Have you decided what you're going to be for Halloween? It's a mere two days away and—confession!—I have NO inspiration whatsoever. I've recently found myself scowling at friends as they excitedly brainstorm about how to make their costume—the one they already have!—even more spectacular. I know what you're thinking: Why so competitive, Saskatch?
You see, my family is ALL about the holidays. Thanksgiving is not just about the meal, but table settings, autumn-theme shrines, turkey recipes, and the all-holy-cheese-ball (more on that next month). Christmas equals PRESENTS! BAKING! CHEER! CLASSIC CAROLS! MORE CHEER! WINE! RED TURTLENECKS! BING CROSBY! HOMEMADE GIFTS! IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE QUOTES! FUNNY HATS! MARZIPAN PIG PRIZES! SO MUCH CHEER YOU SPIT UP A LITTLE BIT OF CHEER TO MAKE ROOM FOR MORE-MORE-MORE CHEER! Alas, it's no different with Halloween. One year, I dressed up as Uma Thurman's character in Pulp Fiction, and my sas-bro and his roommate dressed as John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson's characters. We NAILED it. Thereafter, whenever my mother brags about us kids and our accomplishments, forget GPAs and careers! Well! Have you seen what they did for Halloween 2002? They reeeally hit that one out of the park! This year, my family is having a Halloween party where there will be pots of steaming apple cider, spicy chili, crunchy-soft bread, caramel apples, bump-in-the-night playlists, orange and black popcorn balls, and, of course, stellar costumes. My folks: Olive Oil and Bluto. (Who comes up with that? I know! The pressure!), sas-bros are set to be Edward Cullen (he bares a striking resemblance in real-life) and a dragon. My sister-in-law and niece are donning colorful butterfly and bumble bee costumes. And then there's me! To begin with, my beau is less than keen on going out on Halloween (I plan to leave a trail of caramels from home to the caramel apple bar at the party). Here are a few couple-costume ideas that I've come up with—accompanied by reasons why they s-u-c-k. Mr. and Mrs. Smith? I don't think any girl in the history of girls has ever wanted to be compared to Angelina Jolie. Ever. Elmer Fudd and a bunny? Too warped. Plus, I KNOW sas-beau would take an unloaded albeit real-life rifle around with him. I don't feel like spending a night in jail, thank you! Hippies? Oh, I have been a hippie countless times—c'mon, I'm shooting for creativity points here. Internet, help! Maybe I'll just cut some holes in a sheet this year.
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